Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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