I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
