Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
