Do you still have your period?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
