Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Operation Purity has been aborted
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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