as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
