Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
