I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
