Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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