No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
