i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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