No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
