I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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