My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
