My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
