I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
