Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
