Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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