i don't like sucking hair
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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