and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize