Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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