This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
