Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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