I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
