Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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