I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
