i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
