hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
