The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
