I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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