I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize