Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
