Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
