okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My bed smells like the plague
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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