imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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