Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
