Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
