Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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