I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
