And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
