its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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