So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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