paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
