I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
