those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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