Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize