i permit you to call me
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
