i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
