I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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