So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
