i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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