Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
