My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i think my cat just said my name.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
