Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
