You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Can I color on your dick again?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
