He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
