that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
