so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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