rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
