we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
