She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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