Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize