all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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