Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
