I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
