I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
