In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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