there's paper in my vomit.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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