I think im going to throw up on grandma
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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