I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
