Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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