yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
