If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just googled if crying burns calories
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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