the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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