Only a mothe r could love this liver
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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