this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
