Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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